Jude's Birth Story!: Part 2

All right... so we got to the hospital and I got into a triage room to get checked.  This was a little before 8AM on Wednesday morning.  They checked me and I was about 2 cms dilated.  This could be devastating for some... to me, it was amazing.  Since I had never gotten past 1cm with Elliot, I was really convinced that my body just didn't know how to dilate more than that.  So although it didn't seem like that much to others, it was amazing to me.

So I walked about a million laps around the L&D unit, stopping every once in a while for a contraction.  It was great to be able to walk around and feel like I was doing something.  But yeah... it hurt.  Robyn, Adam, and I talked about it and I came to the decision that I would rather be admitted than go home.  I did not want to get back in the car, and Elliot was awake and I just wanted to focus on what I was doing.  I know some people like to have their kids around for the whole labor and delivery process... not me.  I was happy with Elliot hanging out with his Nana and getting tons of attention and being happy not knowing what was going on.

So I was admitted and it was a long day.  Lots of contracting... into the bath and out of the bath and getting checked.  I was dilating pretty slowly, but it was happening.  The whole time, no one said anything about a c-section, it was wonderful.  That evening, I sent Robyn home to get some rest and spend some time with her family.  We knew it would still be quite a while before I delivered and I felt confident that Adam had learned a lot from Robyn to help me through the contractions.  It was great that not only did I have a doula to help me through everything, but she was able to help Adam know what to do.  I know a lot of people think that a doula is a replacement for a partner, but for me, she really helped him be as helpful as possible.

I started to get to a point where I could just not let the contractions do their thing and I was feeling out control, so I had Adam call Robyn back to the hospital that evening.  More baths, more switching positions.  I really loved having something warm on my lower back.  So I kept having the nurses bring warm packs and Adam and Robyn would press that onto my lower back while I labored on the birthing ball.  Sitting on the ball and leaning over the bed was probably my favorite position.  The rocking chair wasn't too bad either.

Eventually, we talked about it and decided that breaking my water would be a good idea to get the contractions to maybe dilate me a little more.  So they ruptured my membranes for me and whoa.... that totally changed everything.  The contractions were so much stronger and so much more painful.  This was on Wednesday evening (very, very late) and I hadn't slept since Tuesday morning.  I was so exhausted and the contractions were just absolutely defeating me.  At one point, I was throwing up while contracting.  Worst. Feeling.  Ever.

After talking about the pros and cons with both Adam and Robyn and the midwife, I came to the decision that I wanted an epidural.  I think I was around 7 cms then.  Maybe less.  I was feeling my body tense up with every contraction and I could feel myself fighting the contractions.  I was so tired.

First, we tried some Fentanyl.  And while that made me happy and care less about the contractions, they were still just horrible.  So I decided to go with the epi.

I think I may have fallen in love with my anesthesiologist.  He came in, and before I even said anything, he said something along the lines of "I looked over your chart, and saw that you had a bad experience with your last epidural.  That's not going to happen this time."  Seriously... loved him.  The thing that really scared me most about another c/s was having another faulty epi.  The fact that he actually took the time to look at my issues before and was reassuring me even before he administered the epi made me feel so much more at ease.  He was a pro, and afterward he said that even though he hoped he didn't see me again for a c/s, he would be there until 4PM and he would be with me for a c/s if I needed one.

While I had my heart set on a VBAC, the most important thing for me was having a good birth experience, so that definitely made me feel more comfortable with the idea of a c/s.

But I still had my eye on the prize.  After the epi, I felt so much better.  Everyone fell asleep.  Robyn and Adam were on opposite ends of this big couch in the room and they both fell asleep.  I fell asleep, which I so desperately needed.  At one point, the MW checked me and I had reached 10 cm.  I was soooo happy to be there.  Even though I really never doubted my ability to VBAC, getting to 10cm helped me know that it was going to happen.  At that point, I was sure I could do it.  The MW suggested that I get some more rest and labor down.

Eventually, I started to push.  The epi was great in that it helped with the contractions, but I could still feel the urge to push and I knew what I needed to do.  So I started to push, and baby was moving well and was tolerating the pushing really well.

But one thing that was frustrating for me was that my contractions were so far apart that I worried that it would take forever to get him out because I could just keep pushing (or, I could, but it would not be as effective).  So the MW talked to the OBs that were on duty, and they okayed some pitocin for me.  That was a tough decision for me.  I tried to do some nipple stimulation, but I knew I needed more than that (and stimulating my nipples in front of a room full of people was not the most comfortable).  I was also worried that the nipple stim would cause baby to get stressed out and once I started, it couldn't be controlled as easily as the pitocin (which could be turned off if something started to go wrong).

I felt good about making the decision to try the pit.  I talked about my risks with the midwife (which, yes, the risks were elevated very slightly more for uterine rupture, but they would also be elevated more if I was pushing forever).  I talked about the effects it would have on me with Adam and Robyn.  And I felt like I had exhausted my other options and was comfortable with trying the pit.  It wasn't bad and made my contractions so much more productive.

There was lots of pushing.  I requested a mirror and luckily, the mirror blocked the clock, which was right in front of the bed.  Worst spot for a clock.  And if I glanced at the clock, my doula was always there to remind me not to look at it.

I felt really good about the progress I was making, and I talked to the midwife about how I wanted to pull the baby up to me.  Adam decided that he wanted to help catch the baby, so he got ready for that.  I will say that it was the one thing that was a bummer about a more controlled hospital birth.  He had to get gloves on and be sterile, so he couldn't help hold my legs or anything like that during those last couple minutes of pushing.

So eventually Jude was getting close and his head came out.  My MW had me hold of on pushing while she unwrapped the cord from around his neck (that was very hard to stop pushing when he was so close).  After that, I pushed his shoulders out and I grabbed underneath his arms to bring him up to me.  Adam and the midwife helped guide him.  It was amazing.  I could not believe that I had just caught my own baby and that I had gotten my VBAC.  Seriously.  It was so amazing.  I had him on my chest, and was able to nurse him right away.  Adam was able to cut the cord, which we delayed until it stopped pulsating. 

He was born at exactly 5PM.  I had some trouble with bleeding and Jude has some issues breathing right away.  Honestly, I don't really remember much about that.  I remember then massaging my uterus a lot and the midwife saying some things.  I remember Robyn telling me about how cytotec is sometimes given to help with bleeding and pitocin is sometimes upped with heavy bleeding.  The midwife elaborated and I just said okay, whatever, to all of it.

I remember the pediatrics nurse seeming to be a little worried about Jude's breathing.  I blew some air onto his face a little bit and eventually, he had a good little cry.  Still not a lot, but it was something.  Later, I looked at his Apgars and they weren't awesome.  But everyone was comfortable with where he was at after a little while.

So yeah, everything was well under control and Jude and I were never separated.  After everything was good with both of us, I asked for some time.  And Adam, Jude, and I just had our moment to meet and bond.

We decided on the name Jude.  It was the name that I loved the most, but I needed to see him and make sure that was really his name before we finalized it.  Adam agreed.

They came in later and weighed Jude and measured him.  8 lbs, 7 oz... over a whole pound more than Elliot.  He was also 22 inches long, which was an inch longer than Elliot.  My VBAC baby was much larger than my c-section baby.

My total pushing time, from the first push until the last, was 3 hours and 45 minutes.  After looked at Jude's head, it's obvious why.  The kid did not just have a conehead... it was a unicorn horn.  After sitting at 0 station for weeks, and after all that pushing time, he had a very large lump on his head.  It was also on the side of his head, which means that he was positioned kind of funny.  Adam told me that he came out facing the side.  So all of this made me even more proud of myself that I pushed him out.

 

Check out that awesome horn.

He nursed like an absolute pro.  I don't know if it was because I had done it before, or because he was really good at it, but it all clicked right away.

We named him Jude Miller (first and middle name, his last name is Adam's last name).  Miller is in honor of my maternal grandma's maiden name.  Her and her father (obviously, his last name was also Miller), both passed before I was born.  But my mom was very close with her mother and grandfather and I know that even though I never met them, I wouldn't be the person I am today without their influence.  So it only made sense to me to give him a middle name that would honor both my grandma and great grandpa.


My reflections:

My biggest contributing factor (other than my own ambition and research and A LOT of hard work) was hiring a doula and choosing a midwife.  I never once heard the possibility of a c/s being mentioned.  I was always told that I could do it.  My own patience was important, but it was also important to have the patience and trust in my body from the midwives.  With my first birth, it was a miracle if I could get an OB to come talk to me.  With the midwives, they would just come sit in the room and watch me labor and offer suggestions and they would even apply some counter pressure on my lower back.  Unbelievable difference.  The only touch I got from the OBs was rough and clinical.

Do I wish I could have done it without an epi?  Of course.  Do I regret getting it?  No way.  I think if I would have had a shorter labor, if I wouldn't have been stalled... yes, things might have worked differently.  But when it came down to it, more important than having a med-free birth, even more important that a VBAC, was the ability to have a say in what was going on with me.  The epi was MY choice, the pitocin was MY choice.  And that's what it all comes down to for me. 

So all in all, it really was a perfect birth for me.  It has really helped in the healing process from my first birth.  It doesn't take all the pain away, but it really has helped me have faith in my body and in the birthing process.